Rose’S GRACE STORY

Matthew 16:24
For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses
his life for my sake will find it.

Even when I walked a wayward path, I knew He was there - even before I truly knew who He was and is. I was curious at a young age - always wondering what it would be like to be religious or to go to Sunday school with the rest of my Catholic peers. Every mention and allusion to Him and His word - in school, on TV, in books that I read, in music I listened to - it all left me yearning to know Him. Well, I know now that this was what I was looking for all along.

I bought my first Bible at 16 because I was curious after a discussion in English class. From that point on I would find myself drawn to His word here and there. Fast forward to sophomore year of college, mis abuelos (my grandparents) died
within a month of each other. My abuela was a devout Catholic - not too sure about my abuelo - but when she passed (she passed first), reading the word made me feel closer to her and more at peace with her death. She was my only grandmother since I never met my other one since she died before I was
born. In short, losing my abuela shattered my world. I fell into a very dark place at this time, and ironically, this is around the time when I met Kai. We were both broken and weary from past traumas, but we found solace in each other’s company. Kai had been introduced to the faith by his roommate, Ryan,
before I did. I got to watch as he grew and began to follow Christ. At first I was stunned by his transformation. I didn’t know what to think. He was always reading this big brown study Bible that Pastor Moses gave him. I eventually asked him a silly question about Jesus and the Trinity (I think it was along those lines). Kai suggested that I ask Pastor Moses all my silly questions because he would be more than happy to talk to me. We arranged to do Bible studies through the Gospel of Mark via zoom every week or so since Kai and I were abroad in Scotland. This continued into the next semester where I also started attending Sunday services with Kai.

Beginning to go to Sunday services was very hard for me at first. I was overwhelmed trying to include another responsibility to my already overflowing plate of college classes, sorority life, and mental health issues. If you know me,
you know that I have been struggling with mental health issues for a very long time. I thought joining a sorority would fulfill my needs and wants to be seen and included in social activities,but it honestly left me feeling lonely and unfulfilled. I also idolized academics and the thought of giving up time to go to church on Sunday to worship was giving me paralyzing anxiety. I thought that I was being irresponsible and not dedicating enough time to my homework and classes. There
were times where I would make excuses to stay home and work on classwork or papers because of the overwhelming anxiety I had. At this point I was already removing myself from sorority life and skipping events and meetings for the
sake of my own mental health. I thought that I had to juggle all of my struggles alone, and that was crippling me from accepting the easy yoke of Jesus. However, the friendships I cultivated with the people I met at church were much different
than those I had with most of my sorority sisters. Of course, I did have some sisters that saw me and knew me for who I am, but I felt like the community I was surrounding myself with was sucking the life out of me. Going to church was giving that life back to me. Kai pushed me to go even when I did not want to and I am glad he did, even though at the time I did not appreciate it. It was scary at first, but I was able to let go of my academic idol a little bit at a time to let myself be healed and loved by Christ.

At this point, Kai and I had been dating for over a year and had not been waiting for marriage. However, a few weeks or so into that semester - the one before covid hit - Kai sat me down and we talked about what it meant to follow Christ seriously. Ultimately, we concluded that not waiting until marriage was a selfish desire that did not glorify God or His Son. We both agreed that to follow Christ seriously, we would be waiting until marriage, no matter the amount of time that took. I remember making that decision initially felt like Kai and I had broken up - I will admit that I mourned it. That was the day, looking back now, that I began to lose my life for His sake. I had heard the gospel and I could not deny the truth in His word. I thank God for giving Kai the strength and grace to watch me in my sin and stand by my side in hopes that one day I would be able to hear the good news of the gospel, repent, and believe in Him. It is truly the gift of the Holy Spirit that I was given the blessing of knowing Kai at the darkest time in
my life. It was almost as if the Lord knew that I needed to be saved from my sins. Scratch that, He always knew He would save me through Jesus by using Kai.

Jesus gave me life by dying for my sins that I should have been punished for when I gave mine up for His sake. There is no question he will sustain my salvation if and when I sin again.