Mahogany’S GRACE STORY
Growing up, I knew of Jesus but I didn’t KNOW Jesus. My family was religious but we didn’t go to church often. When we went back for a moment, I had a hard time understanding that God was a loving God. From the hurt I felt from the church politics combined with my own personal traumas I was confused where I stood with my faith. By the time I got to college I didn’t even consider myself a Christian and I didn’t even think I would ever come back to the church. However, something needed to give because I had this unexplained emptiness that would manifest into sadness and anger. That sadness and anger started to impact how I saw myself and the health of my relationships.
My junior year of college was when I had a turning point in my faith. I had a conversation with Pastor Moses about having spiritual anxiety. I was trying to find my way back to faith but I felt like I couldn’t. I described it as: I’m running and Jesus is standing there with open arms but I have not reached him yet. As I kept running, he wasn’t getting closer. Pastor Moses then shared the parable of the Prodigal Son. It was at that moment, the gospel became clear to me. Just like the son, no matter how much I run away or how many mistakes I make, I am loved no matter what if I trust in Jesus as my Lord and Savior. It’s because Jesus died for my sins I am forgiven and I am always welcomed in the Father’s home. He went after me to adopt me back as his daughter even when my heart wanted to run away.
That doesn’t mean that I am fully-healed yet. I would be lying if I said that my faith in Christ eradicated my depression. I would be lying if I said that my faith in Christ fixed all my worldly issues and now I'm a perfect Christian with unwavering faith. Right now, I am going through a major season of suffering. My beloved grandmother died, my depression causes moments of panic and I’m constantly trying to convince myself that I am okay when I’m not. But the difference now is that I have inner peace, a gospel peace, because I know through Jesus I am loved, secure, and being santificed. He saved me because even when I couldn’t see him, he saw me and that is my life line.